Me and Breast Cancer

Fight Like a Girl

2011-10-08T16:39:00.004-05:00

October is here again - and breast cancer awareness.

Still on Arimidex for 10 more months but proud to say I'm a 4-1/2 year survivor. God has blessed me.

My latest 'venture' is designing cross stitch charts.

Actually, I've done that for years - always for myself - but was encouraged to market some of them... so of course, several are breast cancer ones.

A friend reminded me that men get breast cancer also, so this one is dedicated to them as he's also a survivor.

And, this poem meant much to me when I was undergoing chemo - it's "What Cancer Cannot do".

These are all available at my online cross stitch shop

What Cancer Cannot Do - cross stitch

2011-08-02T14:14:00.003-05:00

Well, I've been thinking about it for a long time and have finally taken the plunge. My first counted cross stitch graph for sale. It's the poem, "What Cancer Cannot Do". I got several copies of this when I was undergoing chemo - and it spoke a lot to me. I stitched it for myself and still love the words.

We created a 'breast cancer' area at the cross stitch shop where I work part time, but this poem wasn't there, so that prompted me to offer it for sale. I'm already planning more graphs. Who knows if anyone will buy them, but I'm kinda enjoying the challenge of creating them (though I've actually been creating my own graphs for years).

50% of all proceeds from the sale of this one will go to breast cancer research, so if you happen to be a stitcher, stop by my shop and order one.

So, this is for sale in my Etsy Shop and will be offered in the shop where I work - Stitchers Haven in Guntersville, AL.

It's been a therapeutic for me - thanks for allowing me to share with you!

Chronic cough...

2011-07-05T10:42:00.002-05:00

... has been considerably worse the last few weeks. Is it really asthma? Can't help but be a bit concerned.

My next Oncologist visit is scheduled for the end of August, and he had already scheduled a chest x-ray before that visit. Why? Was he concerned?

Lots of questions. Don't want to worry and be concerned - guess it's always in the back of your mind that is could metastasis. And persistent cough always reminds me that my sweet hubby died of lung cancer. But, that's another story altogether.

Praying this is nothing!

Four years - YAY!

2011-03-10T09:51:00.000-06:00

Had another 6 month checkup with my Oncologist this week. All good. I'm a four year survivor as of last month. Don't have to go back for another 6 months - I love it.

Still on Arimidex - and thank God it's now generic. I have another year and five months and the price was crippling. Still have aches and pains, but not any of the really nasty side effects many people have (Praise God!).

It's been kind of a rough winter. Had bronchitis twice and recently it turned into pneumonia. Managed to avoid the hospital with some major shots at the doctor's office and lots of rest. Still not feeling 100% but much better.

We've had a rough winter weather wise too. 5 snows since Christmas. FIVE - in Alabama! That's crazy. I'm so ready for spring and warm weather. My feet haven't felt warm many times this winter.

Thankful to be alive to have cold feet!

It's up for auction

2010-10-10T16:12:00.000-05:00

Fake Pink Dragon bra is up for auction on ebay. 100% goes to breast cancer research. Check it out, and maybe even bid on it. There's lots more there to choose from too. Lots of really talented people.

Bling My Bra

2010-10-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's what I said - bling my bra! Not that mine has any bling, but there's a great group of folks who have created a site and are auctioning art bras on ebay. I'm mailing mine today, though it doesn't compare with some that have been done. So, check it out Bling My Bra - and tell you friends. ALL the money raised goes to the Susan G. Komen fund.

This is "Fake Pink Tiger"

House changes

2010-08-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Well, the bronchitis just refused to leave - was finally diagnosed with chronic bronchitis and asthma. So, needed to make some major house changes. Very old carpet that was holding lots of pet dander and dust. So far we've ripped out my bedroom and office (well, that's the royal we - actually my son and grandsons did it) and replaced it with laminate. So, did some other major changes to both rooms, and bought air purifiers for both rooms.

I'd love to do the rest of my house, but the carpet is a bit newer, and finances won't allow more at the moment. The changes already made are making a big difference.

A picture is worth a thousand words and I've posted bedroom photos on my other blog http://allthingsiris.blogspot.com/

Sick again

2010-02-27T14:24:00.000-06:00

...and getting really tired of it.

Had flu and bronchitis over the Christmas/New Year's holiday and never completely got rid of the cough.

A week and half ago woke to a COLD house (out of gas/no heat) and have had a sore throat and getting worse since then. And btw, it was the gas company fault I ran out of gas, I'm on some kind of plan where that's not supposed to happen (propane). They got here within an hour of my phone call but "I" never got warm the rest of that week. Anyway, that's another story.

So, this cough and sore throat has lingered and I finally went back to the doctor yesterday. He says it's worse than the last time. This time isn't flu, but sinus infection and still bronchitis. Shots and prescriptions and hopefully better soon. If I'm not better by next week he wants a chest x-ray :-(

I'd had an Oncologist visit between these bouts, but seemed to be almost over it then. He did order a check x-ray though (which I just haven't gotten around to yet). Guess I'll aim for that next week.

I haven't posted anything in awhile - but just haven't been in the mood. Got to work on that and get a handle on the blah feeling.

I fell again

2010-01-28T12:01:00.000-06:00

... and again "Thank God" I didn't hurt my self seriously.

I try so hard to remember to be careful, but the brain doesn't work as well as it used to either.

This time I was trying to get the dog outside before she threw up on my carpet (didn't make it) and lost my balance - fell against the french doors. Left arm took the brunt of it - along with my head (but they tell me it's pretty hard). Already have a black/blue spot on my arm.

Does everyone who had chemo/Herceptin have neuropathy and stumble as easily as I do???? I know I'm getting older, and I'm probably clumsy - but was never this bad.

I pray everyday for protection from broken limbs!!!

It's always something

2010-01-27T16:43:00.000-06:00

...and I hate to complain when the "something" is only money - but I have so little of it (retired, very fixed income) and it has to stretch to so many things.

Picked up my new Arimidex prescription today {BIG SIGH} and it's gone up once again - and I have insurance.

Got my social security statement that we weren't getting any cost of living raise as the cost of living hadn't gone up. Obviously the people who figure out those things aren't having to shop where I shop, but groceries, medications, etc. etc.

And, of course, I'm not eligible for any help from AstraZeneca because I do have insurance. Doesn't quite make sense does it?

Not sure I can continue this for another 2-1/2 years - I just don't know where the funds will come from.

I did it!

2010-01-26T14:41:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning to do it for ages, just kept putting it off and putting it off. Then a bunch of Christmas stuff got put in there and I could barely get to my clothes.

Yes, I'm talking about cleaning out my closet.

It was a total mess and I'm not a messy person, nor am I a pack rat (well, not normally anyway), so it was driving me nuts!

I have a lovely walk-in closet that was so stuffed I couldn't find anything. And, I had all these clothes from before my breast cancer - which swallow me whole now. I was afraid I'd gain some of the weight back with Arimidex - but I haven't. As a matter of fact I lost a few more pounds over the holidays when I was sick with flu and bronchitis. So, all those clothes I haven't worn in almost 3 years had to go.

And purses. Who keeps old purses? Well, you know, you might want to use that particular one again. NOT!

My car is now FULL of bags for Salvation Army. And, the trash got a pile too - that weren't fit to even donate.

So, in addition to feeling SO much better for having gotten rid of all that stuff - I'm $40 richer. Went through all the old purses before putting them in the donation bag - and sure enough, one had two twenty dollar bills.

I'm a happy camper!

I have new makeup

2010-01-25T15:34:00.000-06:00

...and I'm excited about it. It's been a LOOOONG time since I was excited about makeup and haven't worn much in years - for several reasons. EVERYTHING I tried bothered my eyes. They would burn and itch after an hour or so of wearing the makeup. I think I tried about everything out there, certainly a healthy percentage of them anyway, and spent mega bucks over the years on things I've thrown away.

Well, since my breast cancer diagnosis, I've been doing more more research on things I probably should NOT use - specifically "parabens" - widely used preservatives which are found in almost all make ups, soaps, creams, etc. etc. While there's no definitive proof that parabens contribute to breast cancer, many researchers believe that they do - and I'm not willing to take the chance anymore.

So, when a friend (thanks Kamesha) posted on her facebook that CVS had their Organic Makeup on sale for 75% off - I decided to check into it. First of all, at 75% off, I could afford to try it and not waste a fortune..... AND since the front of the package states: "100% free of all harsh chemicals, parabens, and synthetic preservatives" it certainly warranted looking into.

Bought some on Saturday, wore it yesterday - ALL DAY YESTERDAY - with no eye problems - wonder if the parabens had anything to do with that?? Went back this morning and bought some more.

I do think I've finally found my makeup. I think this has been around for awhile, it was just one of the ones I hadn't tried. Of course, next time I buy it I'll probably have to pay full price, but my CVS Pharmacy still has it for 75% off if any of my readers are interested.

Here's part of my stash ....

I got some liquid makeup, powder, blush, lip gloss, concealer (not in picture) and eye shadow (yes, even eye shadow which I haven't worn in years).

Oh, and btw, here's a link to the website for the Physicians Formula makeup.

Neuropathy and UGGs

2010-01-20T16:32:00.000-06:00

I spent a bundle of money last year on some UGG boots and they're the only thing that I've found that helps the neuropathy at all. They're not particularly attractive (to me anyway), but I hardly wear anything else now. I did lots of market research (and tried on lots of boots) as this was a major purchase for me - but they truly are warm and fit better than anything else I tried.

Neuropathy is VERY uncomfortable. Mostly because in the wintertime (like now) I can never get my feet really warm, especially the left one. Have had this since chemo - in ends of fingers and feet. Left foot is worse, aches and burns when cold (all the time in the winter).

I also find I stumble much easier than I did before. After several falls, I'm learning to be more careful - especially on steps and where it's dark and I can't see. You wouldn't think that would matter - but....

So, I have various side effects left from chemo and the Arimidex I'm still on - but hey!!! I'm still alive and doing reasonably well, so shouldn't complain.

Catching Up

2010-01-17T14:01:00.001-06:00

I've been quite lazy lately with this blog. Since I graduated to 6 month doctor visits, I've not done as much research etc. as when I was going with more frequency.

Did have to see my GP over the holidays. Had a bad case of the flu and bronchitis - together. Not a lot of fun and seemed to take forever to get over. I've still got the cough, but otherwise doing okay.

I've spent the last couple of weeks re-doing all of my blogs (who needs 4 blogs?), and think I'm finally pleased with the way they look - now to get back to the task of networking with them.

Being Cancer Network is a resource blog that's new to me and lists a plethora of other cancer blogs - on various types of cancer. I'm anxious to check out some of the breast cancer ones.

Though I'm now a 'survivor' (yea!) - I believe it's important to keep with 'what's going on in the breast cancer world'. As I'm now a firm believer that we must be our own patient advocates and have as much knowledge as we can get!

2009-10-20T12:48:00.004-05:00

Wow! I'm featured today on another breast cancer's blog. How cool is that!

And what a great job she's doing. I love the features she's doing on the nurses who treated her. I can't say enough good things about the ones who took care of me. And, it's great on my return visits to the Oncologist to go by the chemo room and say hi, I'm doing great. They see so many really sick people, some who don't survive that I suspect it helps them to have a kind word from one who has survived.

Don't forget, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month - though we should be 'aware' of it all the time. I was one of those "it'll never happen to me - there's no cancer history in my family" - then it jumped out and grabbed me when I wasn't looking. You know your body better than anyone else, pay attention to it and don't forget your self exams.

Oh and here's the great blog I was featured on http://reallyincrediblewomen.blogspot.com

My interview

Monitor gone

2009-09-30T12:42:00.002-05:00

... and of course, I didn't have nearly as many heart 'blips' while I was wearing it - but isn't that SOP.

Anyway, Cardiologist thinks it's not anything to worry about right now. Gave me three options:

Try some medication
Have another 'ablation' (not my favorite thing - had one in the early 2000s.
Do nothing unless it gets worse.

Naturally, I chose #3. But at least I'm relieved that he doesn't think it's anything to be overly concerned about.

He thinks it's probably caused by stress. "Stress" - who has stress in their life. Lost my husband 4 years ago; diagnosed with breast cancer, chemo, Herceptin, Arimidex; grown kids losing jobs in today's ratty economy.

Nah - not much stress here!!!

However, I'm convinced that the chemo, Herceptin & Arimidex have contributed to the heart issues - though doctors won't admit to that.

They've certainly screwed up my memory, energy levels, pain levels, hair, and who knows what else, so.....

Oh well, I'm alive, I can still walk and talk (and complain).... and travel, as I'm in Texas for a surprise visit to my #2 son for his 50th birthday - so I'm blessed!!!

Wearing a monitor

2009-08-29T17:30:00.004-05:00

... because I've had some heart irigularities lately and my Oncologist sent me to a Cardiologist.

Of course while I was there everything appeared normal (I think anyway). And, I've had nothing since starting to wear the monitor. Maybe the whole thing scared my body into behaving.

The monitor isn't bad - just annoying.

I've been off Herceptin for over a year and I know my heart function was down while I was on it. Also know the Adriamycin chemo effected my heart a good bit. Haven't found much info, but wondering about long term effects of both.

Have been super busy, but did get a couple of things made for my Etsy shop. New 'pink ribbon' business card/credit card holders. I carry two myself, one to hold my business cards, and one for my credit cards. Hopefully when I pull them out of my purse it will remind someone to be aware that this terrible disease could strike anyone anytime.

Both are listed in my Etsy shop.

I've graduated to 6 months

2009-08-04T13:18:00.003-05:00

Oncologist visit yesterday and I graduated to not having to go back for 6 months - YEA!!!!!!!!!!

It's been every three months since I finished the Herceptin. I'm so delighted, another goal reached.

I'm still having side effects from Arimidex (probably will as long as I'm on it), but so far it's tolerable at least. Some of mine are the regular ones and some seem to be some of he more uncommon ones

frequent debilitating fatigue and very low energy level
leg and back aches
hot flashes
VERY thin hair
indigestion & nausea
some insomnia
runny nose
heart blips and dizzy spells

I do have to have a bone density scan in November - routine while I'm on Arimidex, and I'm visiting a Cardiologist later this month - that's probably from the Arimidex also.

But, it could be worse - and we do what we have to do. I really didn't want to go on this medication (nor did I want to do chemo)... and everyone has to make those decisions for themselves. However, I'm reminded that there are 12 reasons for all this treatment - and their names are; Jeff, Hugh, Dixie, Asher, Matthew, A.J., Brandon, Markie, Nathan, Brittany, Foster, and Ariel - my four children and eight grandchildren!

New boobs & bras

2009-07-21T15:29:00.004-05:00

Eventful day today. Went into Huntsville for my yearly checkup with my surgeon (no, I still don't want reconstructive surgery) and then to the "boob store". Well, that's not it's official name, but that's what "I" call it.

Of course, they're officially mastectomy bras and 'prosthesis' - does that mean I'm handicapped because I have prosthesis?

Anyway, it was time for new ones - and this time I wanted some of the ones that are supposed to be cooler. Those rascals I had gave me a meltdown on a hot/humid day. So, the new ones have a sort of 'liner' on the side close to your body that's made of something they use in the astronauts suits (does that mean I can go into outer space now?). Time will tell if they actually are any cooler than the old ones.

Several new bra styles since I got mine 2 years ago, so I tried 3 different ones. We'll see which I like the best.

The consultant at the boob store said my old ones were in really good condition, considering... yeah, considering I don't wear them all the time :) I do try to make a decent appearance when I'm going out - but I'm not wearing those suckers at home.

So, I guess I'm good to go for another couple of years - assuming I live that long. Wonder what new and wonderful things they'll have by then.

I'm a bit tired

2009-07-10T18:53:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy week, I haven't gotten enough rest and I'm just plain tired. It's summertime and the days are longer, but I'll be in bed tonight before it's dark. And, that's okay. These days I don't just keep going like I used to before BC.

What Cancer Cannot Do

2009-07-07T17:04:00.005-05:00

I have no idea who wrote this poem, but it's meant a great deal to me. I was given a framed copy with the scripture included while I was still going through chemo - I read it everyday... and have since cross stitched it.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited....
Yet in all these things

It cannot cripple love,
we are more than conquerors

It cannot shatter hope.
through Him that loved us.

It cannot corrode faith,
For I am persuaded that neither death,

It cannot destroy peace,
nor life...

It cannot kill friendship,
nor principalities, nor powers,

It cannot suppress memories,
nor things present, nor things to come,

It cannot silence courage,
nor height, depth,

It cannot invade the soul.
nor created things,

It cannot steal eternal life,
shall be able to separate us

It cannot
from the love of God

conquer the spirit. - Author unknown
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord - Romans 8:37-3

No flu yet...

2009-07-06T10:12:00.003-05:00

... so I think I'm safe - granddaughter seems to be completely recovered from the flu. I still have 4 days of meds to take (which, of course, I will take).

No one else in the family caught it, so that's definitely a blessing.

My granddaughter stayed pretty segregated from me (though we live in the same house) and we gave each other "air hugs".

I learned during chemo that one needs to always be vigilant with germs - washing hands often and being extra careful putting hands near mouth and eyes.

Life just keeps getting more and more interesting...

2009-06-30T17:13:00.003-05:00

... so now I've been exposed to swine flu. And "closely exposed". My granddaughter (who, with her family, is living with me at the moment). Took her to the GP this morning and hopefully we're in the early window where the "Tamiflu" is usually highly effective. She's also got a prescription strength Motrin so that's already helped her aches and pains.

It is a challenge to keep her in a part of the house away from me, and I'm back to washing my hands as much as I did with chemo - though it may be closing the barn door after the cow is out as she's been sick since Sunday and we were loving on each other on Sunday.

Her doctor put me on the Tamiflu as a precaution (because I'm older than dirt - and my health issues) - and I've talked to my Oncologist and he concurs with me taking it - and trying to stay away from her.

I have a bit of a sore throat - which hopefully is just sinus drainage. I suppose time will tell. We're both in kinda quarantine right now. I usually work at our local cross stitch shop on Wednesday and Friday, but called today and they want me to stay home this week - probably a good idea.

But, I'm praying and staying positive. Glad it's not contagious online :)

Sasquash

2009-06-23T10:44:00.004-05:00

Sasquash is my little 'helper' when I have to go to doctors/scans/dentists/tests, etc. Have I mentioned that I don't "do" needles/doctors/dentists very well??? So he helps my stress level tremendously.

My grandson in St. Louis sent him to me via his Dad when I had my mastectomy. I collect elephants and Foster (that grandson) has always been the very best at finding unusual ones for me. I decided that little kids can take stuffed animals into the OR with them - so why not me!!! His tiny little body is exactly the right size for me to squeeze with one hand - and I promise, I've done plenty of squeezing.

He still has the 'tag' on his tail from that particular trip (one of the labels they put in my hospital bracelet). When I went to have my port taken out, they made him his own 'bracelet' with HIS name on it and put it around his neck. They all debated over how to spell his name and one of the doctors finally decided :-)

All the nurses at the clinic know Sasquash and remember his name - and all the doctors I've been around in the last 2+ years. Couldn't be because I'm such a basket case could it???

I forgot him once when I went for a PET scan. I was SO upset and almost turned around and went home. The nurses convinced me to stay and found me a little Aflac duck to hold. You can push his tummy and he yells "Aflac". Not quite as good as Sasquash, but better than nothing. I offered to return him after the scan, but they insisted I take him home. I suspect Aflac supplies them to the clinic for scared little kids (and me).

And another granddaughter's birthday

2009-06-22T15:44:00.002-05:00

I'm counting down the grandkids birthdays this year, and so thankful I'm alive for them. Though I'm terrible these days about getting cards/checks out on time. I used to be really prompt, and it's not like I actually forget their birthdays are coming. I just don't get it done on time. Guess they'll remember me as the "slow Gram".

I only have two granddaughters and their birthdays are 3 days apart (3 years - but in the month of June - 3 days). The six grandsons are spread out pretty well and there are a couple more yet to come this year.

Each one is a milestone for me these days though.

Another milestone - granddaughter's Birthday

2009-06-20T12:33:00.003-05:00

Another accomplishment in the Breast Cancer Journey - my youngest grandchild had her 12th birthday yesterday and I was able to be with her. What a blessing.

Of course, all of my grandchildren are a blessing to me and it amazes me to see them grow.

At this point in my life - each of their birthdays/graduations/etc is another milestone for me.

Yes, I was bald and had chemo

2009-06-13T11:00:00.005-05:00

... but it's been awhile and I can talk about it a bit better now.

To back up, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 2/15/07, bilateral mastectomy on 2/22/07 and started chemo on 3/19/07.

Between the mastectomy and chemo I had a port-a-cath put in and I celebrated my 67th birthday - on March 17, 2007. I had a huge HEAD SHAVING BIRTHDAY PARTY. No, not everyone had their head shaved - just me - they watched :-)

I did not have the most attractive bald head, but had a really ugly wig that wasn't particularly comfortable. I wore a scarf most of the time when I was out. And of course, the rest of the 'fuzz' that's here came out too, so I actually had a 'shiny' head.

I had people ask - "why would you do that - it might not fall out?" (People can be really unthinking sometimes) I knew it was going to fall out and it seemed the one thing I could control at that point when "when" I became bald.

So, on 3/19/07 I started my weekly 45 mile trips to Huntsville for chemo/treatments. I started with Adriamycin/Cytoxan every two weeks for four cycles (with weekly blood tests on the off weeks). Each session included, Aloxi (for nausea), Ativan (for calm), Benedryl and who knows what else - followed by a shot in the stomach of Neulasta. The infusions took the bigger part of the day and the Ativan helped tremendously.

After the A/C chemo was finished, I did four-two week cycles of Taxol (again with all the good extras listed above).

I was extremely blessed during my chemo treatments. My side effects weren't nearly as dibilitating as many people experience. My white count did go really low and I experienced incredible fatigue - but I was never nauseated. I couldn't eat much and did have the mouth problems - but didn't have much appetite anyway. I was so careful trying to avoid colds/flu and was only sick once. I drank LOTS of water and washed my hands a gazillion times (things we should all be doing all the time anyway).

Old tombstones

2008-08-17T17:19:00.003-05:00

My daughter visited last week and we went in search of a couple of tombstones - and found them both. We knew the towns they were located in and one of the cemetery names (the internet is a wonderful place).

She decided to make some phone calls before we left and the first cemetery she called in Gadsden was the right one - and the lady on the other end of the phone even walked out into the cemetery to verify the info and called us back. Now THAT's customer service!

The other one was a Revolutionary war veteran and that cemetery was in the middle of nowhere - my grandson said it was outside civilization - but it wasn't quite that bad. Well kept though and apparently still used.

I love old cemeteries - what stories they could tell. Always makes me wonder about the folks there - especially the older ones who lived in such a different time than us.

Geneology again

2008-07-25T09:06:00.004-05:00

I spent a good bit of time yesterday trying to get my genealogy records in order. I'd previously purchased "Legacy" (and really like the program), but hadn't been faithful in putting in my info sources, so got that up to date yesterday.

I can't imagine how difficult this would have been before the computer/technology age.

It's kinda like working on web sites - you can get totally immersed in it and time just flies.

Back to something I want to do.

2008-07-24T09:47:00.005-05:00

One of the things I decided that I wanted to do when I was diagnosed was get all my genealogy stuff and old photos in order.

Seems life just gets in the way - but I've been trying to get back to my genealogy stuff and the old family photos. It's slow going.

I have several boxes of very old letters (1800's) which are VERY difficult to read. I expect there are some interesting and some mundane stuff in them. I want to try and check a few each day - that's the only way I can tackle that job - otherwise it's totally overwhelming.

Another milestone...

2008-07-18T20:57:00.006-05:00

...I mowed my back yard this afternoon. Granted I have both a riding lawn tractor and a BIG John Deere tractor - but it's still work. I only drove the small one today and I'd forgotten how much energy it takes to just turn that puppy (no power steering). No shocks either, and my yard isn't one of those smooth city yards.

I wasn't even on either of them last summer - chemo and driving the tractor didn't mix well.

But hey, I can't expect someone else to mow my lawn forever.

It was pretty high so took me about 2 hours (BIG yard).

Now, the front yard is much bigger - I may tackle it tomorrow - on the big tractor :( - depends on how I feel tomorrow. I hate driving the big one - but it's cut is so much wider it's considerably faster.

So, Frosty can go outside now without getting lost in the grass - and I've met another hurdle!

It's July in Alabama...

2008-07-13T19:26:00.006-05:00

....and it feels like it too. It's supposed to be hot and muggy :)

I'm just enjoying not having to drive to Huntsville every Monday to the Cancer Clinic for a treatment. The port area is healing nicely - still tender, but that will pass. I'm generally feeling better. I'll probably never be the energizer bunny again, but I'm not having the terribly debilitating fatigue that came with the chemo/treatments.

Neurophy is still in my fingers and feet and I've had a couple of fairly serious 'stumbles' - have to remind myself to BE CAREFUL and pay attention to how I'm walking.

I've gotten a couple of new web clients - so I'll have somthing to challenge me for a little while - I love working on web sites.

My furkids are all doing well.... and keeping me company.

I've just started a new blog "365 Days in Guntersville" - several of my online friends are doing the same thing (wasn't my idea - but a good one I think).

I'm challenged to post every day with photos of the area where I live. I think this will be a fun challenge. So often we don't really pay attention to our surroundings and I live in such a wonderfully scenic area.

Port is out!!!

2008-06-21T09:09:00.006-05:00

Yea!!! My "port-a-cath" was removed on Thursday. That's a big huge woohoo for me.

The port has been painful and annoying the entire 15 months it's been in, so I'm excited about it being out.

However, the best reason is that I don't need it anymore!!!!

I'll still have blood work done when I go for my 3 month checkups (from a vein - NOT my first choice) - but I've survived everything else, so guess I'll survive that.

The removal was quick - the pre and post stuff at the hospital was not.... so it took a full day.

I'm sore and it aches, but not much worse than when it was in. Can't lift or reach much yet - but that will come.

I've reached a milestone.

I have 4 years and 2 months left of Arimidex (the little white pill from hell), but I've been blessed not to have had some of the really bad side effects that it can cause.

Oldest son & his family arrive tomorrow for a visit - lots to look forward to.

My Grandson's graduation

2008-06-15T19:44:00.007-05:00

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I prayed that I would live to see my grandchildren graduate from high school (I have 8). Well, the oldest just graduated from Southlake Carrol High School in Southlake, Texas - and I was there to see it!

Interesting graduation because their varsity baseball team had made state finals (and my grandson is on the baseball team)... so they had a 'private' graduation in the morning just prior to graduation practice. It was really quite nice. Only guests were the parents & families of the 10 senior baseball players (and the other baseball players of course), it wasn't long as there were only 10 - and no speechs.

btw - that's a baseball he's holding in his hand :) And, gosh, I have good looking kids & grandkids (though technically, my "kids" aren't kids anymore).

I spent a week in Texas and while I enjoyed visiting my son and his family, I was really glad to be home - like Dorothy says, "there's no place like home".

Frosty stayed with my daughter in Tennessee (his second person), and she spoiled him worse than I do - but we were super glad to see each other when I got back.

So, I've made it to see one of them graduate - 7 to go, in almost as many years. But, thank God, we've started!!

I'm finished - I'm FREE - I'm NED!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-27T17:54:00.006-05:00

Today was my last Herceptin treatment.

MUGA and PET scans from last week were okay. Heart pumping action down a bit, but not drastically, PET clear. Thank you God!!!!

It's been an extremely long and tiring journey. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 16, 2007, mastectomy on February 22 and started chemo on March 19, 2007. I've had weekly treatments for the last year and two months (except for a week at Christmas and a week in February when I was out of town).

Today was the last day!!!!!

And btw, for those reading this who might not know -
NED is "no evidence of disease"!!!

I've had the support of my four wonderful kids, my grandkids, a marvelous church family, excellent neighbors and tremendous online friends. When I've been down they've lifted me up, when I've cried they've hugged me, when I've moaned and groaned they've comforted me. They have been God's angels giving me encouragement and hope. I could not have walked this road without all of them.

I'll be returning to the Oncologist every three months for the next two years and will have periodic PET scans, and I'll be on Arimidex for another 4 years and 3 months - but for now I'm a "cancer SURVIVOR " (any maybe I have been from the beginning). Don't know what the future holds, but then none of us are promised tomorrow.

Yesterday is gone - we can not change it. Tomorrow isn't here - we may not have it. Ahh, but there's TODAY. We have today and we can live it - and we choose the attitude we have towards it.

If you have your health and you're unhappy with your job or ____(fill in the blank) - go and visit a cancer clinic!!

God is still on the throne, "I" have so much to be thankful for - I choose life and hope!

We can plan for the future but we must live in today.

Iris

49 down - 3 to go

2008-05-05T20:57:00.004-05:00

That's 49 Herception infusions down and three to go. THREE! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yea!!!

Still have to do Arimidex - and go for scans on some kind of regular basis - but the long weekly drive and a whole day lost each week is rapidly coming to an end.

Has it been worth it? Well, I'm still alive - and I suppose only time will tell.

I walked this road for my kids and grandkids (well, they're not really 'kids' anymore - but they always will be to me). And, they've been wonderfully supportive - couldn't have done it without them (and my fantastic friends and church family).

Choices - life is all about choices!

2008-04-29T12:55:00.011-05:00

Love is a choice!!! Hate is a choice!!! And either of those affects your physical and mental health. Depression is a choice, at least sometimes.

I taught this stuff at seminars years ago, you’d think I’d have remembered it.

We can’t necessarily change our total environment, but we can surely change our attitude toward it (yes, even if we ‘hate’ our "fill in the blank" – job/disease/home/whatever.

If you hate your job either change our attitude or change your job, complaining changes nothing. And, yes, it can be done!!!

If it's not fulfilling or challenging, or you're overqualified - so be it. If you're taking money from your employer, you owe it to yourself and to your employer to have a good attitude and do your very best. As long as it's an honest job, there's not a job out there that's beneath you.

If you're still terribly depressed about a job - visit a cancer ward. It just might make you realize some of the things you have to be thankful for!

I’ve been depressed and really feeling down the last few weeks and have pretty much withdrawn from the world (or tried to). I’ve done some more research into the meds I’m taking and found this is one of the side effects of the 5 year medication I’m on (Arimidex).

However, I’m determined I’m not going to be depressed and feel sorry for myself for 5 years. I’m CHOOSING to not be unhappy (somebody remind me when I start whining again).

I'm reminded of a quote I have on my office and my kitchen wall that I applied when I shaved my head for chemo -

"Put on your big girl panties and deal with it"!

whine, whine, whine with 6 to go

2008-04-14T16:21:00.006-05:00

I just hate whiners - don't you - and I hate to whine myself, but I swear - as I near the end of these Herceptin treatments they seem to get worse instead of easier.

The last couple of times I've felt really bad and had that incredible fatigue.

Today is no different, except now I'm nauseated to go with it. Came in from the clinic and crashed in bed for over 2 hours, and still feel terrible.

My port is aching and I'm just generally about to have a pity party!

I'll be SO very glad when these are over as I'm beginning to seriously dread Mondays again.

I try really hard to be positive and not complain - but days like today make it really difficult.

Is it spring yet?...

2008-04-12T22:28:00.004-05:00

...well, I thought it was - but it's turned quite cool outside today and they're talking about freezing temps the next couple of nights. And I just planted some flower seeds and some marigolds - which, if you knew me, you'd know was not a normal activity for me.

I don't like to garden. I love to "look" at a pretty flower garden, but I don't want to have to actually do it myself. However, the garden fairies are apparently on strike and I needed some stuff planted to keep some fill dirt from washing away - so I put on my "Okay, I'll do it" shirt and got it done.

Isn't it interesting the number of things we enjoy/don't enjoy. I have friends who are great cooks and thoroughly enjoy that. I like to eat - I hate to cook. On the other hand, I love working on websites and most of my friends wouldn't touch that. We're just made differently. It wouldn't work out too well if we all hated doing the same things.

I can't recall if I've mentioned the oral medication I 'must' take for my breast cancer. It's "Arimidex" and the doctor wants me to take it for FIVE YEARS (and I have 4 years and 4 months to go). It can have some debilitating side effects, but I've been blessed not to have any of the bad ones so far. I am, however, having some really annoying ones though. It affects my energy level (as well as the Herceptin), and causes aches and pains.

I do have hair now - though it's quite different. I'd been a red head for eons and always had straight, fine, but thick hair. Well, it's not red and it's not thick. Unfortunately, it's still fine and straight - but is so very thin (SE of Arimidex). I've decided to just try and 'go with it' though and I'm wearing it short and spiked!!!

I cheated with my picture here on the blog. That one was taken in the '90s. I'd consider putting a current one up, but don't want to scare anyone. Just know that I really don't look like that anymore, and a current picture would show how old I really look.

I've got a story to tell about one of my scans, but want to take a photo to go with it, so I'll save it for another day!

YEA!!! Only 9 to go

2008-03-28T09:00:00.005-05:00

I'm so excited. This week finished my 43rd Herceptin treatment (breast cancer), so I'm down to single digits - only 9 more to go. There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. This has just seemed like it would go on forever.

I've only missed two treatments (which, of course, will be tacked on at the end) when I was out of town. Otherwise, I've made the drive to Huntsvile every Monday. My car about knows the way by itself. And of course, Monday is totally shot. SOOOO, after these 9 last treatments, I'll gain a whole day each week.

I'll still have to go back for blood tests, scans, etc. etc. - but it won't be on a weekly basis like this has been.

So, one more hurdle down!!!

Relay for Life

2008-03-21T20:34:00.003-05:00

Gosh - I really need to get with the program here. I fully intended to keep this blog up to date when I started it, but life just seems to get in the way all the time.

The subject of this post is the upcoming "Relay for Life" by the American Cancer Society. I've decided to take part..... in honor of my husband who died of lung cancer, and as a breast cancer survivor myself (I'm now a one year survivor).

Our local relay will be in mid April and I wanted to give everyone an opportunity to sponsor me. This is my web page at ACS - and I'd be honored if you'd visit, and delighted if you could sponsor me. No gift is too small. http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeMid-SouthDivision?px=5431991&pg=personal&fr_id=8976

I still covet your prayers as I continue treatment.

Where did February go?

2008-03-07T16:16:00.003-06:00

I just blinked and it was gone. I have no idea where it went.

I've just gotten home from almost two weeks of a'travelin! And while I love my kids & grandkids and love to visit them - there's truly "no place like home".

All my furkids missed me and have all wanted to be right under my feet.

I was in Missouri for a week seeing one of my grandson's perform in his Tae Kwon Do tournament. He did quite well (though not well enough to satisfy him). Also was able to go to his yearly award's banquet - were he took several awards. He's really very good.

I had requested nice weather for my Missouri trip, but my son goofed and it snowed on the day before I flew south - 8"! I can now remember why I live in the south :)

Didn't get to see the friends I'd planned on having dinner with - SNOW - but at least the airport was clear by the next day.

I came home really tired though - traveling truly does wear me out.

Missed one of my Herceptin (breast cancer) treatment's - but not to worry, they'll tack it on at the end (lucky me). I've only missed two and only have twelve to go (52 of this drug to start with). So, now there's at least a little light at the end of the tunnel - I sincerely hope it's not a train coming in this direction.

Why am I painting the kitchen????

2008-01-19T19:42:00.002-06:00

I don't even like to paint! Nor do I like mess and disorganization and clutter - all of which I have in my kitchen, along with the smell of paint.

Okay, I've proved I can do it - and I still have half a kitchen and a laundry room to go.

I'm NOT good with a roller. My son told me to use a roller. The guy in Lowes told me to use a roller. I don't like a roller. I'm not going to use it anymore!!!!

I've had go to back with a brush and touch up where I used the roller. I'm too old to learn to use a roller (did I mention I don't like the roller).

On the bright side, I do have half the kitchen finished and hopefully will at least get the newspapers off the counters tomorrow. Of course, that's the side with the least wall (but more stuff to paint around)... so I still have 'wall' to paint. I do think the rest will go faster as there's more wall and less stuff.

AND, I'm going to love it when I'm finished. I'm trying to be patient - I said I was going to take my time. But, patience isn't my strong point.

It's going to be totally different from what I had - and I think I needed that. And, more than that - I needed to know that I still could paint the kitchen - by myself!!! Okay, now I remember why I'm painting the kitchen - just had to remind myself.

Mastectomy

2008-01-18T16:51:00.003-06:00

Backtracking a bit....

SO, my mastectomy was scheduled for two days after my visit to the surgeon - on February 22, 2006. Didn't give my family a lot of time to plan. But my oldest son (who lives in St. Louis) and my daughter (Tennessee) both arrived the night before.

I had to be at the Breast Center early on the 22nd for three 'shots' in my boob. Forget what they called them and wasn't keeping a real good record at the time - but they were to help the surgeon navigate the lymph nodes and know if he needed to do anything there.

The radiologist who was supposed to give the shots had been called away and another came in - a man. Now, I wasn't modest enough to care if he saw me undressed from the waist up so that part didn't bother me. He explained that it would be just as easy to just give the shots without anything to deaden my boobs. And, he's a man, what does he know??? Obviously not much. If I could have moved after the first shot I'd have killed him!!!!

After he finished torturing me and I finished crying, I went back out to where my grown kids were. We didn't have to be at the hospital till noon, and it's about 9AM. "I" couldn't eat anything (or have coffee), so they didn't want to go to a restaurant. We wound up at the local mall where it was warm and we could walk around. Found a little stand where they could get something to eat that I didn't drool over, then walked around the mall till Dillard's opened.

Decided I might need some PJs - since I always sleep in gowns (I know, more info than you wanted to know). However, PJs could button in the front and that would be needed after I went home. So, shopped for PJs and a warm robe (I only had a ratty one that I'd had for years). Also managed to find a really great pair of shoes that I paid way too much (even on sale) for but that I absolutely, positively love and while they're really ugly they are THE most comfortable shoes I've ever worn.

On to the hospital and checked in at noon. My Pastor and his wife arrived before I went to surgery and prayed for me. Don't think the surgery took a long time, but I was goofy the rest of the day after getting to my room. Half my church was waiting on me along with my kids and Pastor. They had me on a morphine pump and apparently I entertained them greatly.

The gist of the surgery was that lymph nodes did have to be removed on the affected side, so I faced seeing an Oncologist when I healed a bit.

People slowly drifted away but my son positively would not leave. He was determined to spend the night at the hospital and take care of me - and so he did. He slept (what little sleep he got) in a chair next to my bed, and was there to help me every time I had to get up in the night (which was a lot).

My daughter relieved him the next day and she spent the second night with me. Son arrived back at the hospital on Saturday morning and took me home.

I understand some mastectomy's are done as outpatient - that's just crazy. There's no way I'd have gone home any earlier - and even when I got home I needed care & pain meds.... but home sure felt good!!!

It's snowing in Alabama...

2008-01-16T16:48:00.000-06:00

...and my world is turning white.

Everyone in town was at the Piggly Wiggly buying bread and milk when I came home at 3ish this afternoon. You know, you can survive any storm if you have bread and milk. (I didn't stop, I just know what happens around here.)

Anyway, the snow is lovely, and hopefully there won't be lots of it. It's a really wet heavy snow and there's already enough to make nice snowballs if one is so inclined. My only concern is losing power because limbs tend to fall on power lines out in the country where I live. So... I'm sitting in front of the fire and about to enjoy a hot cup of cocoa. Frosty is snuggling in my lap and the cats are keeping the fireplace warm. It's not so bad!

I'm so very far behind on everything I'm wondering if I'll ever catch up. Then I come up with these 'projects' - so since I don't have anything else to do, I've started re-doing my kitchen. Not a rip out the cabinets kind of re-do, just fresh paint, new accessories, etc. (I think I'm watching too much HGTV) However, that's turning into a major job for me as I'm doing it all myself. I think perhaps after the year of breast cancer I need to prove that I CAN do it, who knows. At this point my kitchen is a total disaster and may be that way for awhile. I did get a coat of primer on one wall yesterday, though I spent most of the day just taking 'stuff' off my walls, washing them and taping.... miles and miles of blue painters tape.

Had a lovely Christmas with family in Texas - just got way too tired and came home sick. After major meds and days in bed finally feeling like I can join the world again.

I'm moving along with my breast cancer treatments. I'm down to only 18 more to go with the Herceptin - that's quite an accomplishment as it started out at 52 Still having scans and tests and scans, etc. But, I've decided I can't live my life around those.

And, I have hair - crazy, unruly NON curly hair, but hair nonetheless. I have the strangest cowlicks you've ever seen, though I actually got one on the side to lay down today. A friend asked me if I'd glued it :) Guess I'll never have red hair again, as the hair dyes aren't really good for my kind of cancer - but you know, gray has it's benefits too (or so they tell me).

Okay, I've blogged - I've rambled - I'm headed to the fire!

Latest test results

2007-11-19T17:29:00.003-06:00

Well, the doctor's office yielded the latest test results today, though who can really understand them. Means I must do more online research. Was just too tired when I got home - took a two hour nap.

I ALWAYS get a copy of all test results as I can't always remember what the doctor has said, and don't usually understand it anyway.

SO - the CT scan was of my chest (because PET scan had showed "something").

"Calcified right hilar mediastinal lymph nodes present consistent with granulomatous change. There is a calcified nodule on the lower right lung consistent with granuloma (see http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/granuloma/AN00830. The lungs demonstrate no acute findings. No acute bony findings are demonstrated."

Now my Oncologist seemed to think that was all good and nothing to worry about.

The MRI was of my 'thoracic spine" and was ordered because I've been having quite a bit of right shoulder and back pain. (Chuck's lung cancer started with right shoulder pain - so that always concerns me).

"There is abnormal signal of the third thoracic vertebral body on fat suppressed T1 weighted imaging only. There is no enchancement with this. No anomaly is noted on CT component involving this body. This is unknown significance. The remainder of the spine appears normal."

And apparently neither the Radiologist nor the Oncologist knows for sure what this is, but the Oncologist says he doesn't think it's related to my cancer. Of course, he always says this in that soothing voice that's designed to put one completely at ease. More research here too!!!

Blood work today was pretty consistent with what it's been running - white count hovering around the acceptable count, sometimes below, today right at it.

You can see why this stuff is so difficult for normal people to understand (sorry nurses). And, while I don't understand it yet - I will before it's all said and done. Again, research!!! There is a world of knowledge at our fingertips these days if we just look for it. We ALL need to be knowledgable about what's going on with our bodies.

NOW, if you've stayed with me this far - you know waaaay more than you ever wanted to know about my insides and the medical checking of them.

And, btw - thanks for those who are so very encouraging to me. It means more than you know!!!

I'm halfway there

2007-11-18T16:16:00.004-06:00

....at least with one cancer fighting drug. Last week was number 26 in the Herceptin treatments. Only 26 to go (that's weekly). I'll skip one at Christmas time as I'm going to Texas, but they'll graciously let me make it up at the end (sweet of them).

This past Thursday was 9 months since my diagnosis. It feels like I've been fighting cancer forever and I'm just a total newby.

I've been blessed and have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. The chemo was rough, but I had it much better than many others, and so far I've had none of the major bad side effects from the two drugs I'm still on (Herceptin and Arimidex). Some really annoying side effects, but I'm living with them.

Now that the weather has turned cold, the neuropathy in my feet is REALLY bothering me - especially the left foot. Seems it's cold most of the time, however, it's warm to the touch so I guess that's good.

I'm not the energizer bunny any longer - and may never be again, I still tire really easily, but it's better than at some points in the last few months. I'm still sleeping a lot - never was a nap person, but I've become one... and my bedtime is quite early these days.

Lots of aches and pains I never had before - always makes one wonder.

I'm starting to have hair - granted it's rather weird hair - sticking out in various directions.

However, today a strange lady came up to me in a parking lot and said (and I quote), "I love your haircut, where did you get it done?" I about fell out. She seemed embarassed when I told her it wasn't necessarily my first choice of hairdos but the chemo arranged it. She said I should keep it this way - and I must admit it's really easy. There's no point in even trying to comb or do anything with it - it's going in exactly the directions it wants. I am really ticked that I haven't gotten curly hair out of this ordeal though. Many people do and I was really looking forward to curly :-(

Should get the results of my CT scan & MRI tomorrow

Have some family coming for Thanksgiving, but not as many as usual. One of my sons has illness in his family, one's going on a cruise, and one lives on the dark side of the moon (California). My sweet daughter and her family will be here and we'll have a great time together.

I haven't really written all this in strict chronological order, however - I do not want this disease to totally dominate my life.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!!!

YESTERDAY was Veterans Day....

2007-11-12T09:41:00.000-06:00

....and we had a lovely Appreciation service at church.

No matter what your thoughts on war are - we should all be truly thankful to our Veterans (those who serve now and those who have served in the past). It's because of them that we have the freedoms to disagree.

I thought a lot about my Dad and my husband yesterday.

My Dad was one of the last draftees for World War II. He was "old" (in his 30s) and had a wife & child. He served in the Navy on a supply ship in the South Pacific. I was little but I remember him leaving. and I remember a couple of times when he came home on leave, and I remember writing letters to him and him writing letters to me. It was such a vastly different world then. No instant communication. You just prayed and went about your chores because that's all you could do.

My husband was in three branches of the service - all before I knew him. He served in the Navy for 3 years and then was in the Air Force Reserve and the Army Reserve. He always loved Veterans celebrations where they had veterans stand for their branch of the service and he got to stand 3 times.

And so, today is the legal holiday for Veterans Day - the stores all have sales, the government employees go shopping and we generally don't really think about what this day was supposed to be.

It does feel strange for it to be a Monday and me not be driving the 45 minutes to and from a Cancer treatment - but it'll be waiting for me tomorrow :(

Can you tell I'm feeling a bit melancholy?

It's always another test...

2007-11-07T08:11:00.005-06:00

Well, on Monday I almost decided to run away from home. But then remembered it wouldn't really solve anything - and besides where would I run to and what would Frosty do without me :)

Results from PET scan were confusing/annoying. I can usually come home and find the translation into layman's English online - but either I didn't search diligently enough, or it wasn't there. At any rate, there's 'something' in my chest - "a densely calcified lymph node in the subcrainal region" - and "physiologic uptake" in several areas. Now, I know there's a layman's translation for those terms and I WILL find them.

In the meantime, my oncologist has ordered both a CT scan and an MRI (never had either of those). One is to look at my chest and the other my shoulder that is still giving me pain. Can't remember which is which. And I'll see him again in two weeks instead of a month.

Of course, he said he's sure these are just precautionary measures and that all this is probably nothing - and he says it in such a soothing tone it's made to make you think he really believes that. Shoulder pain could be arthritis. However, it seems that oncologists in general have that same tone - or at least the ones I've met.

SO, it's back for more tests sometime in the next couple of weeks. And, I suspect at least one of these will involve a needle (contrast). So, I surely will not be happy about that!!!

And, I seem to be missing Chuck more these last couple of weeks. It seems that after 2 years I'd be doing better.

I remind myself that I do not walk this path alone!!! God gives me the grace to do what I must do daily, and He walks with me (carrying me most of the time). I am blessed and have much to be thankful for!!!

It's November already....

2007-11-03T11:14:00.000-05:00

....but I guess you know that.

It hasn't been a particularly fun week this week.

On Monday I had both a cancer treatment and a PET scan. Both took considerably longer than normal. The Cancer Center was shorthanded so it was hurry up and wait. They've changed the PET scan procedure a bit, so it takes longer..... and of course there was that pesky needle in my arm again (yeah I know - I'm a huge wimp). I always have a 'driver' go with me to the Scans - they give me Ativan and I'm totally not responsible afterwards. We left home at 9AM and didn't get back till after 6PM - I went straight to bed.

Have had some right back/shoulder pain this week and just generally felt poopy (is that a word?). Need an attitude adjustment I guess.

I get the results of the PET scan this Monday when I have another treatment and see the doctor. It'll be another long day as the doctor visits are ALWAYS lots of waiting around, and of course it's always a bit worrisome waiting for test results.

I did get a few more old photos done this week - I've been really bad about keeping up with a few a day. My goal is to get them ALL done - and there are a LOT.

I have done some work on some handmade Christmas gifts for this year - it'll be here before we know it. Today's goal is to get a few more photos done AND do some more project sewing.

I just discovered this morning that my friend, Jacki, called me "her hero" on her Blog -http://www.thisthatandblog.blogspot.com/ What a really nice thing to say - don't believe I've ever been anyone's hero before. Thanks Jacki.

Today won't be fun...

2007-10-29T08:36:00.004-05:00

I go for a Pet Scan today - NOT my favorite thing to do.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the breast cancer language (yes, there is a language all it's own) - it's basically a full body scan to see if your cancer has metastasized to other parts of your body. This will be my third and while the scan isn't such a big deal (you must lie STILL under an x-ray type machine) - the NEEDLE that they use to insert the nuclear dye IS a big deal (to me anyway).

They won't use my port and so must use a vein in my arm. I don't do needles very well at all and IV needles just send me into orbit. They usually give me Ativan first to at least calm me a bit.... and I've learned to NOT go alone.

I'm a relatively emotionally strong person (except when it comes to needles being inserted into my body or dentists), but I can't do this alone. A good friend from church will go with me and will drive as I get too nervous for that - and the Ativan makes me a bit irresponsible.

SO, it'll be a long day. My treatment is first this morning, then over to the BIG cancer center for the Scan and THEN I can have something to eat. I didn't make it up early enough this AM for food (can't eat within 6 hours of the Scan) and while I don't normally get hungry in the morning I'm already thinking about it just knowing I can't have anything :(

But, this too I will survive I'm sure.

A break from my breast cancer - I've done some stuff for "me"

2007-10-27T09:11:00.003-05:00

I've been reminded to post - and decided I needed a break from my breast cancer story.

But just to bring you up to date a bit - it's been 7+ months since my diagnosis and so far I'm doing well. Energy level isn't wonderful - but then I'm old and that might have something to do with it.

At any rate, I'm learning to appreciate each day for what it is. Yesterday is gone - I'm not promised tomorrow (nor are you).

It's finally starting to feel like fall (my favorite season) in Alabama. I had my gas logs on for a bit this morning to break the chill in the house. Leaves are falling, though I don't think they'll have all the lovely colors this year because of our severe draught. I'm thankful for the color we do have though.

I want to do a bit of sewing today. Agreed to finish a counted cross stitch stocking for a customer at the store and need to get to that, plus a couple of things for myself.

I've done some re-arranging in my house in the last couple of weeks. Had changed very little in the 17 years I've lived here, but have been thinking about it for awhile now. Everytime I walked through the living room or sat in there and saw my husband's recliner it made me sad - SO, I finally decided it had to go. We always had matching recliners and it had just gotten too much. I'd already changed the drapes and the colors were different.

Hired some young guys to "move stuff" for me and did some major shifting of chairs and furniture location. Moved the two matching recliners upstairs into the F.R.O.G. room (family room over garage). Shifted several more chairs and a couple of tables - AND, went shopping and bought myself a new recliner - just for "me".

It's a wing back, high leg - and actually sits higher than the old ones, so I'm having to 'adjust' to it. Totally different from what I had, and I think that's good.

I've done one other thing totally for myself. I said I'd never pay for ring tones for my cell phone - but was just nosing around online one day and found two that I fell in love with - so I took the plunge. Now, I know that's not a big deal to most people, but I'm usually very frugal and spending money for that seemed really frivilous to me - but, I decided to do it anyway.

The one for all my kids is says, "Ah, Super Mom, thank goodness you're here. I'll ring you into HQ and let them know you're on it. Phew, It's okay boys, we rest easy now, Super Mom is on the call." My grown kids call often, so I get to hear that one quite a lot and it never fails to bring a smile.

The other one - for everyone who's in my phone book is Ray Stevens, "The Day the Squirrel got loose in the First Self Righteous Church". I love Ray Stevens and we got to see him in Branson before Chuck died, so besides absolutely loving that song, it brings back good memories.

I LOVE both of these and they're definitely worth the few dollars they cost just to bring a smile to my face. Guess it doesn't take much to make me happy these days!

Research, Research, Research

2007-10-26T08:00:00.002-05:00

Well, obviously you're online if you're reading this.... SO you have the ability to research almost any subject and find a pleathura of information.

God forbid you are ever faced with cancer, but if that does happen, please don't hide your head in the sand. Please don't just take what the doctor says as gospel. I'm certainly not saying the doctors will be untruthful with you - but generally they will not give you ALL the information available.

YOU MUST BE YOUR OWN PATIENT ADVOCATE!!!!

Doctors are going to recommend the 'standard' treatment (which may be the best thing available for your type of cancer or whatever disease), but make yourself knowledgeable enough to KNOW. And yes, you can find out.

My surgeon started by giving me the most conservative (lumpectomy) possibility - and that's where they usually start. So many women are so relieved that they don't "have to lose their breasts" that they immediately jump to that one. Rarely will a bilateral mastectomy be recommended if the cancer is only on one side and from my research I understand that a number of surgeons will argue with the patient about having one done.

If my surgeon had argued, I'd have walked out the door and found another one.

I didn't know much at that point, but I knew enough to know it was MY decision and I knew what I wanted.

So I've just been told I have breast cancer....

2007-10-21T16:41:00.005-05:00

....what's next!

For me, it was to see a surgeon - and the sooner the better. I don't wait well - am NOT a patient person and once I knew for sure - I just wanted it OUT!!!

The OB/gyn was able to get me an appointment on the following Tuesday (2/20) with the recommended surgeon. Now I didn't know any surgeons (having never had anything wrong with me), nor did I personally know anyone who had breast cancer. So, I took his recommendation for a surgeon and went home to my computer and researched, researched, researched.

By the time Tuesday rolled around I had two full typed pages of questions (most of which I'd already found the answers to but I wanted to see what "he" said). I'd basically already made the decision about what I was going to do before entering his office.

We (my daughter came to go with me) talked extensively to the surgeon. He didn't rush (I liked that) and he took lots of time to talk and answer all my questions - and I was pleased with his answers.

Last question was how old he was - as he looked REALLY young. That one was answered to my satisfaction also :)

I had decided to have a bilateral (double) mastectomy with no reconstruction. I'm well past the age of needing those boobs and if there was something nasty growing inside one I wanted them both gone. They were not who I am. Too many instances of the cancer returning in the unaffected breast. I hate hospitals and needles (and am a total wimp with pain). I was only going to do this once, so lets do it and get it over with.

I requested the soonest possible surgery and that was scheduled for Thursday (2/22).

Yes, all this is happening really fast - but I think I mentioned, I'm not patient. I wanted to get this show on the road so I could get back to my life!!!!

I'm not recommending this path for anyone. Many women choose a much more conservative approach and want to wait, and each woman must make the decision that's right for her. This one was the right one for me!!!

This was already a 2nd opinion - I didn't need a third. I wanted this out and the boobs gone with the least amount of waiting possible.

Pathology results weren't nearly as good as I'd hoped and I was referred to an Oncologist who strongly advised chemo - which I started on March 19, 2007.

My journey with Breast Cancer - the beginning

2007-09-30T20:04:00.002-05:00

"You have breast cancer."

Not a sentence I ever expected to have directed to me. That happened to other people. People I read about or heard about. No one in my family had had breast cancer, so it wasn't even something I ever thought of. Oh yeah - I'd seen those little pink ribbons, and I felt sorry for anyone who had it - but that didn't apply to ME. I'd never been sick - well, I'd had colds and flu and even had pneumonia once - but not really sick. I absolutely, positively HATE and am terrified of needles. I'm the caregiver - I'm not the patient. I took care of my mother-in-law, my mother and then my husband. I know how to be a caregiver. I don't know how to be a patient!

Then I found "the lump". That was in October 2006. I went to the my family doctor (the lump was quite easy to feel) and he sent me for a mammogram (aren't those fun). The results came back: density, no change from last mammogram (the previous year). Probably fibercystic calcification.

So, I mostly put it out of my mind. Mostly!

But there was that nagging little voice in the back of my head. I finally talked to a friend who's a nurse and she about had a fit. Advised me to seek a second opinion immediately. Well, by then it was January 2007 and my OB/GYN had stopped practicing medicine (the main reason I'd gone to the family doctor with this to begin with), so I had to find another doctor. Finally got a recommendation, called and got an appointment for February 6. (Hate going to doctors, but REALLY hate going to new ones).

I took the mammogram results with me and after examining me and reading them, he immediately sent me to the Breast Center for a breast ultrasound. Okay, I could handle that, they wouldn't stick any needles in me (did I mention I'm deathly afraid of needles?).

Okay, I go (right then) for the ultrasound. After the technication finished she excused herself and said she'd be right back. Came back with the Radiologist and SHE did the ultrasound again (that should have been a clue to me). She said she thought I needed a biospy that she didn't like the looks of the lump. So, biospy scheduled for February 12.... not very excited about that as they WILL stick needles in me.

Had the biospy - it wasn't fun. They said the doctor who'd sent me for the ultrasound would call me with the results.

Got the phone call on the 14th - they needed me to come into the office the next day.

Well, you know that's not good news. They give you good news on the phone. They tell you in person that you have breast cancer.

Here goes nothing....

2007-09-22T19:52:00.000-05:00

Not real sure about this - but hey, what the heck.

I've kept a journal since earlier this year - so I guess this is about the same (though I, obviously, can't write all that stuff here). And, I'm not nearly as creative as most people who have blogs. I'm not particularly entertaining either.

Life has taken some unpleasant turns for me in the past couple of years. Why do we think things will just keep on being like they've 'always been'? Won't happen - trust me!

After being widowed almost two years ago, I was diagnosed early this year with breast cancer.

Gosh, those things are what happens to "other people" aren't they?

I've since gotten my "PhD" in breast cancer/treatments. Learned more than I ever wanted to know - and definitely realize that we must be our own patient advocates with the medical profession. I've been blessed to have had good doctors and nurses, but even so, there's SO MUCH they don't tell you (perhaps they don't know either) that you REALLY, REALLY need to know.

It's been suggested that I write a book - but not sure I have that much energy.

I've started working on getting old family photos scanned and labeled as I'm the only one left who knows who many of them are - and I'd really like for my grandchildren (and maybe their grandchildren) to have this information.

SO, that's what's on my mind today - what little mind I have left after chemo. But at least I have an excuse..... Chemo Brain! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!